Opinion: Cablevisión, shame on you!

Cablevisión's monthly magazine, Miradas, has interviews with celebrities every month, and the monthly schedule of programming. To make it easier to find what you are looking for, they have created the following categories: infantiles (children), deportes (sports), cine y series (movies and series), documentales (info-tainment), musicales (musical), variedades (variety), .... and.... mujer (women) !

(Click on the picture for a larger view.)

I'm SO glad they created a category just for women, because now I can find my fashion, makeover, cooking, and home decorating shows all in one place. However, I think the title is VERY unfair!

Women aren't the only people who watch food shows. If you are a fan of Francia y Sus Quesos (France and Its Cheeses) you might be a woman, but you might also be...... gay!

In the name of all my gay friends, I say shame on you, Cablevisión, for completely forgetting the one other section of society that might be interested in these programs. I suggest you change the category to "Mujer/Gay."

The categories Cablevisión has chosen for its guide reflects its closed-minded view of society. Open minds lead to open hearts, lead to world peace.

-Southpat Sue

Ask Southpat: Cheating Boyfriend

Dear Southpat:

I just found out my Argentine boyfriend is cheating on me. I know I should dump him, but I love him. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Joy


Dear Joy:

You have just moved from the "hoar" category to the "madonna" category. Congratulations! You're a keeper!

It's not that your boyfriend doesn't love you. It's that he loves you so much, he has started to think of you as the mother of his children, the one who will provide a comforting and stable home, leaving him to seek his thrills elsewhere. You have two choices:

1. If you want to be wife and mother, then embrace your power. Take his paycheck, set up house the way you want it, and tell him if he ever cheats on you, it's over. Of course, he will still cheat on you- but at least he will be more careful so you won't find out. And if he's a good provider, then don't complain. Life could be worse.

2. If you want to be the party-girl, then you better lose a few pounds, get a boob job, and start doing your Kegel exercises. Every year your competition is that much younger.

Either way, this isn't going to be your Hollywood romantic comedy, soul-mate, love affair. It's complicated, it's dysfunctional, it's... Argentine. It's partitioned differently than North American relationships. You are not his best friend. You're his girlfriend. Here, there's a difference.

I didn't make the rules, honey. I just report them. Good luck.

-Sue

The Urban Yurt: The perfect accessory for your Digital Nomad Lifestyle

The economic crisis in the U.S. and the relative affordability of South America has spurned a trend of movement south by those whose work is "location independent," or, as they like to call themselves, Digital Nomads. Finding housing can be a challenge, however, especially in a city like Buenos Aires, in which many landlords require a guarantee by a property owner in order to secure a rental agreement. Some nomads have found a solution to this problem by bringing their housing with them: the urban yurt. A portable dwelling of 150-square feet with wooden floors that can be set up or taken down in a day, yurts are agile, flexible, and affordable.

"I don't couch surf anymore," says Mike Wilkins, a 7-year dedicated nomad. "I terrace surf. with my yurt, I can pop my own space on a rooftop in a day, bringing my own bedroom with me. It's the perfect solution. What's more, I can put it all in the back of a taxi when I need to move on." Mike uses a laptop with Internet access through a telephone company, and is connected wherever he goes.

While not recommended, some nomads also "stealth yurt," setting up their portable dwellings in abandoned buildings, parking garages, or rooftops that are rarely visited. When they need to move, they can be out in a couple of hours.

Wilkins does confess to some drawbacks of the yurt lifestyle. His yurt was stolen on his first day in Buenos Aires, for example, because he terrace-surfed with the wrong people. It is not weatherproof, and does not have bathroom facilities. Some point out the fine line between the "yurt lifestyle" and being a homeless guy with a tent. But Wilkins remains undaunted.

"It's the wave of the future," says Wilkins, "A true nomad isn't confined to one place. Wherever I am, I am home. It's very liberating."

Welcome to BAB, Iran!

The now WORLD FAMOUS Buenos Aires Blog would like to welcome it's first visitor from Iran! With Ahmadinejad's (pronounced Ahm-a-Dinner-Jacket) recent visit to Brazil, it appears that the Middle East is turning it's eyes to the South:


Perhaps since Iran does not have any gays in it's country, and Buenos Aires known as a gay-friendly city, Iranians are a little gay-curious. Hmmm?

Interview with Tina Serif, Author of the 3.5 Hour Parenting Week

This week I was fortunate to sit down with Dr. Tina Serif, author of the very popular book, The 3.5-Hour Parenting Week. Tina is a professional Lifestyle Designer, author, motivational speaker, Ironman triathlete, and digital nomad who moved to Buenos Aires two years ago with her husband and two children.

Southpat: Tell me, Tina, the title of your book is very similar to Tim Ferriss's book The Four-Hour Workweek. Did his book inspire yours?

T.F.: Yes, Sue, it did. As a matter of fact, it was Tim's book that started me on my quest of Lifestyle Design. I was killing myself from my high-pressure job as a piano tuner in Lafayette Georgia, when I realized that there must be more to life than middle C. After reading Tim's book, I quit my job, became a consultant, and Stan and I moved to Buenos Aires. It was the best decision we ever made.

Southpat: The title of your book seems pretty incredible. People must doubt how someone can be a good parent on only 3.5 hours a week.

T.F.: Yes, I get a lot of skepticism from parents all over the country. But most people are very inefficient parents and don't even know it. If you really sit down and analyze all your parenting duties and the time they take, you will find that most of them are not core to what being a parent is- changing diapers, scheduling play dates, helping with homework- so most of those tasks can be outsourced, making you a much more efficient parent.

Southpat: What do you do with your children in the 3.5 hours you have with them? It must be quality time.

T.F.: That's exactly right: quality over quantity. Our weekly time with our children consists of intense, parent-child relationship-building activities. Sometimes we engage in trust-building exercises, meditation, zip-lining, or singing the family anthem.

Southpat: What advice do you have for parents who want to embark on this process?

T.F.: Let go of the social expectations others have of you: that you are not a good parent if you are not at every soccer game, ballet recital, or meal. Next, engage in the four-step process. First, define the kind of life you want to have. I doubt that when most people thought about having children they were thinking of picking vomit off the floor, or teaching them how to brush their teeth. Picture the kind of life parenting should be. Second, eliminate activities that aren't necessary. Family meals, for instance, are often more trouble than they are worth. Third, find a way to outsource all the non-core activities. Stan and I have a team of nannies that get the kids ready for school, help with homework, and schedule their play dates so that we can concentrate on the truly important aspects of their lives. Lastly, find a way to enjoy all your free time.

Southpat: What do you and Stan do in your free time?

T.F.: We both finished P.h.D.s, regularly go big game hunting, and are the 2007 International in tantric sex champions, endurance division.

Southpat: How has Lifestyle Design contributed to your happiness?

T.F.: Oh, Sue, I'm so happy it hurts. I know life's not a competition, but if it were, I'd be winning! I can't stop smiling. My life has never been better. I have sex every day (sometomes twice), I've lost twenty pounds, my children are thriving- they speak five languages! And I love helping people who want to do the same thing. That's why I started my Lifestyle Design consultancy, BE AWESOMER. My website is www.DONTBEAWESOMEBEAWESOMER.com

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Southpat's Super-Simple Spanish Tips

From Six Conjugations, to One!

One of the most challenging things for Spanish speakers to adjust to when learning a Latin-based language is conjugating all those verbs. Memorizing verb endings is way too confusing, so the BAB has come up with some helpful tips to streamline the learning process:

In most Spanish textbooks, you will find the following pronouns to conjugate verbs with:

• Yo
• Vos (or Tú)
• Usted/El/Ella
• Ellos/Ellas/Ustedes
• Nosotros
• Vosotros

Let's take a look at these one by one, and see if we can simplify your Spanish learning by eliminating the unnecessary ones:

Yo: You don't need it if you talk about yourself in the third person.
Example:

¿Te gustan los libros de L. Ron Hubbard, Southpat?

Si, Southpat le gustan mucho. Son muy graciosos.

Vos/Tú: Let's just eliminate this confusion altogether. Why bother yourself with whether you need to speak Porteño or like the resst of Latin America? Just use the formal with everybody. They will get used to it.
Example:

Hola, Southpat! ¿Cómo estas?

Muy, bien, Tom. ¿Y Usted? ... Que bueno! ¿Y cómo esta Katie?

Ellos/ Ellas/ Ustedes: You can avoid this by rephrasing sentences to avoid using "they." Instead mention a single person first, and then someone else at the end of the sentence.
Example:

Southpat! ¿Cuándo estan viniendo John Travolta y Kelly Preston ?

John esta viniendo a las ocho. Y Kelly tambien.

Nosotros: You can avoid this by careful rephrasing as well.
Example:

Southpat, Tom y vos tienen lo mismo auditor?

Si. Yo tengo David Miscavige. Y Tom tambien.

Vosotros: Don't bother with this one. Only Spaniards use it. And no one trusts them.

As you can see, with Southpat's Simple Spanish Method (trademark pending), the teduim of memorizing conjugations is gone! From six persons to one!

Next time, vocabulary tips....

Exclusive Interview with Health Guru Shri Shri Swami Swami Shri

Interview with Guru Shri Shri Swami Swami Shri on his forthcoming book, The Four New Humours: How to Balance Your Body, Mind, and Spirit to Get Everything You Want in Life Without Having to Do Too Much

Southpat: First, thank you so much for agreeing to spend some time with me. I know you have a very busy schedule right now, with your Oprah appearance coming up.

S.S.S.S.S.: The pleasure is mine.

Southpat: Tell us what inspired your book.

S.S.S.S.S.: The concept of the four humours is an ancient one, connecting the body with the four natural powers: earth, fore, water, and air. These principles are still applicable today, but our world has become much more complicated. So I have updated the conversation to include a more modern version, easily understandable by everyone.

Southpat: Tell us about the first humour: Snark.

S.S.S.S.S.: Snark manifests itself physically in a bitter taste in the mouth, and aching in the joints. The psychological manifestations are irritation at laughing babies, outbursts of cynical comments at inappropriate times, and the inability to trust.

Southpat: What can we do to balance an over-abundance of Snark?

S.S.S.S.S.: Well, I have several recipes in my book, but a simple one is to eat dark chocolate. In addition to being a good source of anti-oxidants, it balances Snark.

Southpat: And the opposite of Snark is Sap. Tell me about Sap.

S.S.S.S.S.: Sap physically manifests in many tears, and reddening of the skin. Many people with an over-abundance of Sap watch romantic comedies and listen to Michael Bublé. A good remedy for this is a coffee colonic, and in truth, drinking mate. I find that people in Buenos Aires rarely have an over-abundance of Sap.

Southpat: What is the third humor?

S.S.S.S.S.: Lube. People usually suffer from a lack, not an over-abundance. Physically, it manifests itself as dry eyes, and constipation. Psychologically, the libido suffers, and people tend to forget to groom themselves properly. Sexual activity is a wonderful remedy for a lack of lube.

Southpat: No one talks much about the fourth humour, Yeast.

S.S.S.S.S.: Yes, this is one which suffers from a lack of attention. People with an over-abundance of yeast are often gaseous, with much flatulence. They tend to have a bad body odor as well. Over-yeasters also become distracted, forgetting what they are doing from moment to moment. My favorite practice to balance yeast is to play the didgeridoo, or other wind instrument.

Southpat: What other advice can we find on your companion website?

S.S.S.S.S.: I have many recipes, and you can also buy my new product Good-Humour Bars, which are a nutritionally balanced snack. I have my own yoga tape, feng-shui book, lectures, zafus for zen meditation, my own line of skin product, and very soon, I will be conducting exclusive sweat-lodge retreats for only $10,000 per participant.

Southpat: Thank you so much for spending time with us today.

S.S.S.S.S.: The pleasure was all mine. Peace and good humour be with you.