Exclusive Interview with Health Guru Shri Shri Swami Swami Shri

Interview with Guru Shri Shri Swami Swami Shri on his forthcoming book, The Four New Humours: How to Balance Your Body, Mind, and Spirit to Get Everything You Want in Life Without Having to Do Too Much

Southpat: First, thank you so much for agreeing to spend some time with me. I know you have a very busy schedule right now, with your Oprah appearance coming up.

S.S.S.S.S.: The pleasure is mine.

Southpat: Tell us what inspired your book.

S.S.S.S.S.: The concept of the four humours is an ancient one, connecting the body with the four natural powers: earth, fore, water, and air. These principles are still applicable today, but our world has become much more complicated. So I have updated the conversation to include a more modern version, easily understandable by everyone.

Southpat: Tell us about the first humour: Snark.

S.S.S.S.S.: Snark manifests itself physically in a bitter taste in the mouth, and aching in the joints. The psychological manifestations are irritation at laughing babies, outbursts of cynical comments at inappropriate times, and the inability to trust.

Southpat: What can we do to balance an over-abundance of Snark?

S.S.S.S.S.: Well, I have several recipes in my book, but a simple one is to eat dark chocolate. In addition to being a good source of anti-oxidants, it balances Snark.

Southpat: And the opposite of Snark is Sap. Tell me about Sap.

S.S.S.S.S.: Sap physically manifests in many tears, and reddening of the skin. Many people with an over-abundance of Sap watch romantic comedies and listen to Michael Bublé. A good remedy for this is a coffee colonic, and in truth, drinking mate. I find that people in Buenos Aires rarely have an over-abundance of Sap.

Southpat: What is the third humor?

S.S.S.S.S.: Lube. People usually suffer from a lack, not an over-abundance. Physically, it manifests itself as dry eyes, and constipation. Psychologically, the libido suffers, and people tend to forget to groom themselves properly. Sexual activity is a wonderful remedy for a lack of lube.

Southpat: No one talks much about the fourth humour, Yeast.

S.S.S.S.S.: Yes, this is one which suffers from a lack of attention. People with an over-abundance of yeast are often gaseous, with much flatulence. They tend to have a bad body odor as well. Over-yeasters also become distracted, forgetting what they are doing from moment to moment. My favorite practice to balance yeast is to play the didgeridoo, or other wind instrument.

Southpat: What other advice can we find on your companion website?

S.S.S.S.S.: I have many recipes, and you can also buy my new product Good-Humour Bars, which are a nutritionally balanced snack. I have my own yoga tape, feng-shui book, lectures, zafus for zen meditation, my own line of skin product, and very soon, I will be conducting exclusive sweat-lodge retreats for only $10,000 per participant.

Southpat: Thank you so much for spending time with us today.

S.S.S.S.S.: The pleasure was all mine. Peace and good humour be with you.

Play "Spot The Extranjeros" with BAB!

Send in your pictures of extranjero sightings! They tend to wear large sneakers, baseball caps, and look up. Maybe we will even sponsor a prize for the best pic of November! (Free pickle-brine colonic?)

Send pics to: southpatsue@gmail.com

Expat Dies in Tragic Mime Accident

Yesterday at 2:00 in the afternoon, Richard Andersen, an expatriate from Norway was hit by a bus while participating in an exercise for his mime class.

It was the third day of the 37-week intensive course in International Mime, in which students' first assignment is to practice "moving freely in the city." Unfortunately, Andersen was not aware that he still had to be on the lookout for traffic, as pedestrians do not have the right-of-way in Buenos Aires. Crossing Santa Fe against the light, he was struck down by the #152.

Andersen's cousin Anette Andersen, is trying to have his body flown back to Norway. "We want him to be buried in a glass box," says Andersen, "because we think that is what he would have wanted."

No charges are to be filed against the bus driver.

"Frodo" Added to List of Argentine Baby Names

Video game developers and New Zealand natives, Aragorn and Arwen Walker, finally got news that their soon-to-be-born son will be allowed to have the name they have always wished for: Frodo.

Children born in Argentina are required to have names that are chosen from a state-approved list, most of which were traditionally names of Catholic saints. But over the years, the Argentine government has been more and more lenient with the law, approving those names which have become popular in other countries, or are consistent with the family's cultural traditions.

Huge fans of the Lord of The Rings trilogy, The Walkers changed their first names shortly after they met. They always planned to name their children from the story as well. "We were a little nervous at first that the Argentine government would consider Frodo too wackadoo," commented Aragorn. "But after we showed them the deep roots that the literary tradition and Renaissance Fairs have in our family, they conceded."

Frodo Walker is due on the 31st of October.

BAB News: Get Ready for a New Look to Our Site!

Our most awesome web master has informed us that within a week, we will have a completely redesigned site with Flash, animation, and tango music that you can't turn off. We might also have Second Life integration as well! So don't be confused when you see BAB 2.0..... It's still the same authoritative source of news for the Expat Community in Buenos Aires!