Pickle-Brine Colonic: Boost Your Immune System

A spa in Recoleta, BellaCuerpo, has developed a new treatment for those who are worried about contracting swine flu: The pickle-brine colonic. It's advertised as a sure-fire way to boost your immune system and leaving you refreshed. Ada Martinez, the spa's owner, says the cure has been a family remedy for ages, and she decided to share the secret with the rest of the world.

"My great-grandmother discovered the treatment when she had to store her pickle brine in an enema bag my uncle used it accidentally. We've been using it in my family for ages, and I recently introduced it in the spa. Clients love it."

Ada claims that the special colon cleanse not only increases your chances of battling the flu, but also has helped several members of her family overcome their alcohol addictions. Clients of the spa who have tried it say it leaves them feeling refreshed and energetic. What's more, some clients report a pleasant after-effect of flatulence that smells like dill. The treatment costs $75 pesos and takes about half an hour.

New Children's Book Celebrates the Joys of Protesting

Bang That Pot, Baby! is a new picture book by Felicity Summers celebrating the group ritual of freedom of expression. Summers, an American living in Buenos Aires with her family for the last three years, has been struck both by the strong sense of family in South America, and the strong desire for expression. Protests are common in Buenos Aires, with residents taking to the streets in large numbers, banging pots and pans in support of their favorite cause.

"There is no reason why a protest should not be a family affair," says Summers. "Even if the children are not old enough to understand the cause, they understand solidarity. When I protested against Bush in the U.S., we had a neighborhood party, with all the children coloring in the signs. It's a fun way for them to participate in democracy. It's never too young to learn to speak out."

Bang That Pot, Baby! celebrates the fun of protesting South American Style with her own photographs, and whimsical rhymes:

I bang them in the house,
I bang them in the street,
It's a happy party
With everyone I meet!

I bang them in the yard,
I bang them on TV!
On the boulevard,
Hey, Mommy, look at me!

I bang them for a cause,
I wave my little sticks,
Even though I'm young,
I'm learning politics!

Bang That Pot, Baby! is available on Amazon.com.

Ask Southpat: Is My Argentine Girlfriend Only After My Money?

Dear Southpat:

I have been dating an Argentine girl for about three months now. She is beautiful and fun to be with. I'm beginning to worry, however, that she's only after my money. Should I be worried that I'm dating a gold-digger?

Sincerely,

Joe

Dear Joe:

Of course she's after after your money. Who cares? It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. You're not settling for a horse-face, don't hold it against her for not settling for a broke loser.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a better standard of living, and there is nothing wrong with an Argentine trophy wife. They're all the rage. Ask Matt Damon or Robert Duvall. You bring home the bacon, and she cooks it up in a thong. It's a win-win.

Sincerely,

Southpat Sue

Please Welcome Zeke to the BAB!

Dear readers,

Your humble editor is happy to announce a new addition to the BAB: Zeke Zimmerman. Zeke has worked for years in a prestigious Wall Street firm, and travels between Buenos Aires and New York regularly. He has an instinct for finance and a fabulous eye for fashion, so look for some posts on Money and Style from him. His first post is below.

Finance: Three Places to Put Your Cash

Many expats move to South America with the goal of leveraging the currency exchange between countries and living either partially or completely off of their savings, trying to stretch it as far as it will go. The recent economic crisis has complicated those who hold U.S. dollars in cash, because interest rates are low, and fear of inflation is in the air. Gold is the traditional vehicle of choice for crisis situations, but the price of gold has already risen so far, many are wondering if there are other choices to consider.

After some in-depth intuition-based financial analysis, I have come up with three investment choices to think about that hold mid-range promise:



Plutonium. Plutonium has fallen since its high in 1985, after the release of Back to The Future spurned a rally. With countries like North Korea and Iran looking to expand their nuclear capabilities, the demand for Plutonium will rise through the next decade.




Rhinestones. Rhinestone reserves have held steady over the past three decades, but the popularity of the bedazzler has created an uptick in demand. As the bedazzler hits the Asian and South American markets, rhinestone prices should rise and remain steady for at least five years.







Wax. Although wax has become increasingly popular since the 90's, it's price should remain steady for the near term, since body hair is nowhere near coming back. I have had my eye on the adult film industry for years, and hair is still out. This means wax is in. Look to large bee farms especially, as the popularity of organic wax will rise with the green movement.







Talk to your financial advisor about index funds that contain these commodities to round out your portfolio and hedge against inflation. Fidelity is starting a rhinestone fund and a wax fund, for example, that seek to balance risk by investing in a variety of companies in the industry.

Q & A :The Art Scene

Here is a recent question from the BANewcomers mailing list. I thought I would share it with you, dear readers, since many of you might have the same question.

Are there a lot of expat writers and artists in BA?
Is it anything like Paris was several decades ago? Or New York in the 60s/70s?
I'm talking about the real thing, not people who sort of say they are just to seem cooler

If so, what's the community like and where do they hang out?

Yes! Buenos Aires has a thriving artistic scene! We expat writers and artists (the real ones) hang out at the "Moveable Feast" cafe, smoking cigarettes and clicking our fingers at poetry readings.

It is just like Paris or New York of the past, except the women shave their armpits.

Most Expat Stories Not Original Enough to Be Published Anymore

Moved abroad? Want to creatively cash in on your experience? Well, if you are thinking of turning your long, meandering blog posts on tango or mate into a book, think again; the "I'm Special Because I Moved Abroad and You Can Be Special Too If You Read This Book" genre is over-saturated. I interviewed Karen Rightwell, publisher at Bibliophile Publishing Group, Inc.

Rightwell: Travel writing has been popular as far back as the book of Exodus, but the world is extremely small these days. It takes a lot more than parting the red sea to have a compelling travel story. We knew that Buenos Aires had jumped the shark when Matt Lauer highlighted it as a destination on the Today show. We are swamped with query letters from South America and Thailand, especially.

So what is Bibliophile looking for?

Rightwell: Everyone's experience is unique, of course, but people want to read something extreme. Someone who has started his own nation-state, for example, or perhaps a family who has spent the last decade living in a submarine. Those would have real market potential.

Can you offer any tips to those that have an idea?

Rightwell: If you think you have a book idea that will sell, make it stand out from the others. You can write your query letter in all capital letters, or write it as a conversation between Hello Kitty and My Melody. Taking out all punctuation makes us have to slow down, so we spend more time considering the idea.

If you have the next great expat book idea, you can email query letters to krightwell@bibliophile.com